WEEK 3 � HOW OFTEN SHOULD WE GO TO MEETINGS?
Why do we go to meetings? There are a number of good reasons for going to
meetings. Here are just some: there is the fellowship of other alcoholics. We can give
and receive the hand of friendship. Also, we can listen and learn -- we learn about the
nature of alcoholism and how we can recover. In listening to the experiences of others
we are regularly reminded of our powerlessness over alcohol and the need for a
Higher Power to help us.
And we can help other alcoholics � we do service at the meeting and help to
carry the message. One drunk helping another is what AA is all about. Right from our
early days we aim both to give and to receive at every meeting we go. In our early
days the emphasis is on receiving. But even as newcomers there are ways to give: we
can take all opportunities to pitch in and be useful, volunteer to wash up, clear away
etc. For old-timers there is a greater emphasis on giving and carrying the message, but
those who remain sober never stop being �teachable� as well.
These are the benefits, but how often do we need to receive them? In this talk
we shall cover the general principles for meeting attendance, then see how these apply
to newcomers. Finally we will see how we take into account our responsibilities to
others, particularly spouses and children.
First of all, the general principles: we are told that nothing will ensure our
sobriety as much as working with other alcoholics. So we try to do a bit of AA service
every day. Of course AA meetings aren�t the only places where we can help
alcoholics. One drunk can talk to another over the telephone. (Also we can do a
different sort of AA service at the service committees such as Intergroup.) Provided
we are doing some sort of AA service every day there is no need for daily meetings.
So if we are calling our sponsors regularly and doing AA service outside the group by
calling newcomers, there is no need for daily meetings.
However, we have found that the AA meeting gives us the gifts of the
programme in a special way and so we never stop meetings altogether. In common
with the writer of the story �A Vicious Cycle� in the Big Book we have always
committed to two meetings a week (we call these �home groups�). Note, we do not
mean that we attend any two meetings a week: we mean a solid commitment to
attending and supporting the same two AA meetings at the same times each week. We
give regular attendance and doing service at our two home groups the highest priority.
Beyond this we find a routine that enables us to be in contact with the
fellowship often enough so that we never feel that we �need� a meeting. So some
people find that their own personal minimum is greater than this. Many find for
example that in long-term sobriety two home groups plus one �floater� is a happy
minimum.
Once we have been around a while, if we find that we still feel that we must go
to daily meetings just to stay sober there is something wrong and we should re-
examine our programme.
What about the early days? In fact, the general principle of two home groups
applies to newcomers as much as it does to oldtimers. However, there are a few points
concerning its application that might be of particular interest to new members:
One of our Daily Suggestions is to try to telephone people who are newer than
us, to offer them hope and fellowship. However, before we are calling other
newcomers regularly, a meeting is the only place where we can do AA service, so
attending meetings daily is a good idea. Once we are at the meeting, even in our early
days we can be of help, for example we can always try to help others: we pitch in and
be useful, volunteer to wash up, clear away etc.
As soon as we have started to phone newcomers, we are doing a little bit of
daily AA service and can start to drop the number of meetings attended down to the
minimum as defined above if we want to.
Before coming to AA, many of us had �social lives� that revolved around
drink. When we stop going to pubs and bars, it leaves a huge gap of time in our lives.
It is always better to be at a meeting than sitting in a pub drinking orange juice, or
sitting at home staring into space, or just watching television on our own (more than
occasionally). Therefore, rather than just reducing meetings for the sake of it and
ending up with nothing to occupy our free time, many new people go to more than
this minimum even once we start phoning newcomers regularly. We have found that it
is best to start from a foundation of lots of meetings and let the number of meetings
drop gradually as they are replaced by the non-drinking social activities that will
inevitably develop as we move on in sobriety. As we were told: few people regret
going to too many meetings in their early days.
What if there are not daily meetings where I live? In big cities we have the
luxury of daily meetings at many different times, so the ideal of daily AA service is
immediately achievable for even the newest member. However, where there is a small
AA population (eg in some rural areas and smaller towns) there will not be daily
meetings. If there aren't daily meetings, then provided we have the willingness to go
to any lengths and are aiming for that ideal of daily AA service, God will look after
us. The model here is the example of the pioneers in AA when they only had perhaps
one meeting a week. So although they did less meeting-based service they kept in
daily contact with each other and with newcomers and did a lot of service outside the
meeting (eg in hospitals) very quickly. We can read about this in the book Dr Bob and
the Good Old-timers.
Do I need to do �90 in 90�? We quite often hear it suggested to people to do
90 meetings in 90 days when they first come in. This was not part of our experience.
As we understand it, this arose at the instigation of the US justice system, which
offered convicted drunk drivers a choice of sentences of either 90 days in prison or
�90 meetings in 90 days�. While this practice is not necessarily going to cause any
damage to an alcoholic, our experience is that it is usually not necessary.
What if I have a family that needs my time? Some people like going to lots
of meetings even into long-term sobriety. This is fine if it is done as a matter of choice
rather than through a fear of facing the outside world. But we must not go to so many
meetings that we use AA as an excuse for neglecting our responsibilities to others.
For example, those with spouses, partners and families have very clear obligations. As
a rule of thumb for those with such demands, the maximum number of meetings a
week is four. This is applicable right from the earliest days. If we try to develop as
soon as possible the habit of calling newcomers on our non-meeting days then that
will help to ensure our sobriety.
That is the talk for this week. Now I am delighted to hand over to [Name] who
has come along to share experience, strength and hope.